Often, feelings of insecurity can arise while in a relationship. For some, it’s a lasting condition that never subsides. Insecurity in a relationship prevents us from being genuine and honest with our partner and ourselves. The ability to express what we really want suffers. Without trust in the relationship, we control and contract our heart, to protect us from what we fear. As a result, the relationship itself can never fully bloom. Insecurity creates fear and this fear is toxic when it comes to intimacy.
It is important to examine the relationship realistically:
Are there things your partner is doing or saying that contribute to your insecurity? Issues should be addressed, openly, honestly, within the relationship. Naming the behavior and its impact can not only be empowering, but also can result in unexpected change. Rather than tolerating the hurtful behavior, bringing the truth to the table will ultimately do more to calm your insecurity.
The root of insecurity is a belief that who we are is not good enough and not deserving. We are not born with this belief but rather learn it when we’re young. When someone we deeply care about, through words, behaviors, or other means, teaches us that we are not lovable. Sadly, we can carry this belief in and out of relationships.. We tend to live in fear that our unlovable-ness will be re-proven once again. We can spend our entire lives trying to get our relationships to contradict what we believe. However we often choose people who end up supporting our belief.
Rather than running from our belief, we must come to love the part of ourself that feels unlovable. Our own loving relationship with ourselves ultimately is the solution to relationship insecurity.