There are several important questions you and your partner should ask each other before getting married. Getting to know someone in a relationship does not guarantee that you would know these answers Many couples assume their spouses stance on these issues- only to find out they assumed incorrectly. We tend to see people in the best possible light when we are in love, but doing this can lead to some surprises down the road. The following are some important questions to sit down and ask before you get married:
1. Children:
Do you want children? How many? Are you willing to try other ways of having children (adoption or IVF)?
Does your spouse want to have one child or does s/he feel that it is important to have more than one, so that your child has a sibling(s)? If you cannot conceive, would your partner be able to try alternative methods to have a child?
2. Parenting:
What makes someone a good parent?
Discuss what each of your views on parenting are. What are your views on consequences? Giving allowance? Discuss how each of you were raised and what parenting styles you want to emulate or avoid that each of your parents did. There are three parenting styles: laissez-faire, assertive, and aggressive. Which one of those do each of you feel is the most important style? Laissez-faire tends to be fewer rules and less structure where aggressive is on the opposite side of the spectrum with strict rules and less flexibility. Assertive parenting style falls in the middle.
3. Debt
What’s your credit history and current debt?
When you get married your partners debt can change the interest rates you qualify for on loans and whether or not you can qualify for loans. Sit down together and discuss each other’s debts- credit cards, student loans, car payments. Find out if your partner has ever filed for bankruptcy or has had a home foreclosure. Find out what lead to those debt issues and how it was handled. If it appears to be a big issued consider consulting with an attorney. Your attorney can find out how your partner’s debts would affect you if you got married.
4. Chores
Who should do the household chores?
Each person will have a set idea of what a woman is responsible for and what a man is responsible for. If that is something you are okay with continue with those chores. If it is a problem for you however, it is important to talk it out before you get married.
5. Intimacy
How often would you like to be intimate?
The frequency of how intimate you are may increase or decrease after marriage. It is important to decide how frequently you want that to be to create a healthy marriage. Discuss boundaries- things you are willing to do and things that are off-limits.
6. Goals
Where do you see us after being married five years?
This may be a tough question to answer, but it shows each of you what kind of goals you have for your relationship. This creates a timeline of events of when you would like things to happen. When do you want to have kids? Do you want to move? Where do you want to live?
